MIC, I feel very close to you right now. We've reached a mutual agreement that a man's sac is his castle. So to speak.
It is also far clearer than ever that on the subject of all things reproductive, it's better to be the man. I know I couldn't endure nine months of carrying a baby to term, and I sure as hell can't picture walking through life with a bottle opener up my cervix.
That said, Jamie makes a great point about your FDA chart. The Billings and Creighton techniques are much more effective than that 25% number indicates. And the great thing about these natural, noninvasive,
nonpharmaceutical techniques is that they've all been found to be just as
useful to achieve pregnancy as to avoid it.
That chart also dates back to 1997, long before this book came out and popularized the Billings, Creighton, and sympto-thermal techniques, all of which my wife practices without the oh-so-annoying need to know what day it is. Basically, my wife is willing to inspect and monitor her lady parts so that no one has to cut up my man parts. Which is why I love her so very much. Almost as much as my man parts.
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I think it's really interesting that we both cited being anti-circumcision as a reason to be against vasectomy. Both are unnecessary, as is tubal ligation. As much as I'd like a pass on being in charge of birth control, I'm grateful that there are less invasive ways to control our reproductive destinies. I want to leave our bodies as in tact as possible.
Plus, those surgery options are so, well, permanent. Even when we are done having kids, there something reassuring about being able to change our minds down the road, without having some maybe-but-we're-not-quite-sure-it's-reversible procedure in the way. However, I'm disappointed that birth control will fall back on me yet again. That's just because men don't really have any good options, outside of condoms, but those aren't fun for anyone involved. We need a viable male version of the Pill.
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I would like to extend the heartiest of thanks to Danny for writing that piece, and to MIC for bringing it to my attention. It only cemented my resolve against any sort of nonessential surgery (especially when it involves the chestnuts), and it pre-empted a potentially knotty discussion topic with my wife.
She read my first post over my shoulder and asked, "Really? You'd never get a vasectomy?"
"Never," I replied.
"Interesting. Why didn't we ever talk about this before?"
"You want me to get a vasectomy?"
"Well, no, but I at least thought we could talk about it." Then she read the post and said, "OK, never mind."
People can swear on a stack of Venerable Medical Journals that the procedure is safe and [mostly] painless and even reversible (like the opportunity to have my scrotum invaded twice is a selling point), but I won't do it. And anyone opposed to circumcision, which is just as elective and invasive, should feel the same way.
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I can't help but wonder if your friends ended up with three unplanned pregnancies because they used "cycle monitoring" as their form of birth control. According to the FDA, typically one in four couples who use so-called natural planning as their primary form of birth control end up pregnant every year. Plus you still need to pay really, really close attention to what day of the month it is. I much prefer a no muss, no fuss method that you don't ever have to think about: the Copper T IUD. It does not prevent conception, only implantation, so if you have moral qualms about that, skip it. The IUD was the perfect choice for us after TIC was born, and since it was so easy, it will likely be the perfect long-term solution once we decide my uterus is permanently closed for business.
For a long time I figured that Father in Chief would be in charge of the post-baby birth control, with that permanent, snipping solution. However, one of the biggest tide-shifts for me was all the research I did on circumcision. You ask, what does circumcision have to do with vasectomy? Well, since there's no way I'd let anyone cut my son, I realized I don't want anyone knifing my spouse in that general vicinity either.
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When it comes to actually making babies, the dads really have it pretty easy. Their role is rather minor and it involves all the good stuff. For the moms, on the other hand, well, those moments of bliss are ancient history when the real work starts. We puke for weeks on end, gain 30 (or more) pounds, get varicose veins, no longer fit into human-sized clothing, and endure hours of labor. And instead of that being the end, labor and delivery is the beginning of an exhaustive, round-the-clock love/hate affair.
For all of those reasons, my body should be off the hook when it comes to post-baby birth control--no hormone shots, pills, or tubal ligation. My body has already been swollen, stretched, torn, sucked on, and kicked from the inside out. I deserve a pass on the issue of post-baby birth control, and Father in Chief should pick up the slack with an easy snip-snip vasectomy. Then I read this post. And as fantastically amusing as it is, there's no way in good conscience could I send Father in Chief to the smelly place "where testicles go to die"--even if it is for years of glorious, worry-free sex. So that leaves us with the same choices we had pre-babies. They worked for more than a decade with no real issues, so I suppose we can resort to them for another decade or so before nature signs me up for its permanent program.
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Here's a scenario for you. You fall in love with someone. Your lives intertwine over several years. Then, your Discussion about Where Our Relationship Is Going ends poorly. You decide to break up, but after months of reflection you miss each other for all the right reasons. You get back together. And four years later, you're married with three children, none of whom was planned.
These are friends of ours who, blessed (and a little shell-shocked) by their extraordinary fecundity, have decided they're done having children. And now the debate begins: Does she get tied, or does he get snipped? And is tying or snipping even necessary?
They've each consulted us about what we'd do in their situation, and I have to say I'm all for Option Three. There are plenty of noninvasive ways to take control of your fertility, through cycle monitoring and such; that plus condoms should work just fine. Just as there's no way I'd ask my wife to undergo a tubal ligation, there is absolutely no way I'll ever get a vasectomy. It's cliche, I know, but I like my vas deferens just the way it is.
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