After the wave of e-mail I received in response to my last post, it is clear that my next goal must be to write a book: Pee-rotechnics: Potty Training and the Dramatic Arcs. Naturally, the NYTimes Book Review will hail it as a “rollicking tour-de-force that effectively silences all uretic debate,” and the resultant buzz will bring the inevitable book tour and instructional DVD. If I am to sign over movie rights, though, I will have to demand some casting control. The actor playing me will have to endure rigorous training to re-create these urinary feats. If you use CGI, it somehow just doesn’t feel as real.
It’s a pretty common instinct among parents to wheedle, bribe, coerce, or do anything else they can think of in order to excise diapers from the daily schedule. And it’s too bad that some parents who’ve done all the right things—bought the dog dish, read the book, shown the DVD—still feel stigmatized when their kids are in diapers at 3½. Parents can have some influence over the process, but ultimately it’s the kid’s decision. In our case, our son merely decided on his own that the Wet Crotch lifestyle was vastly overrated, and that he was happier when his boys were dry.