Parents give a lot because kids are takers. They take our time, our energy, our personal space, our careers. They take over our bodies, leech off of us for nutrition, and nag us for toys when we're at a store. Sometimes it's endearing, and sometimes it's just plain exhausting.
Then there's Dr. Sears and his seven tools for "attachment parenting." They are: birth bonding; breastfeeding; babywearing; bedding close to baby; understanding your baby's cry; beware of baby trainers; balance."
Birth bonding, or getting to know your baby, doesn't need to be affiliated with a specific parenting style. I doubt many new parents head off for vacation without their newborn. And while I'm a pro breastfeeding, it's a personal and economic choice. Many women go back to work six weeks post-partum because they need the money. Then there's babywearing. I got through those nine back-aching months of pregnancy because I knew I'd eventually be able put my kid down. And crying? Babies cry when they're hungry, tired, bored, frustrated. They want to be held. They can't poop. And any parent who is paying a bit of attention will know what their kid needs.
Then there's my favorite "tool": balance. "[T]he key to putting balance in your parenting is being appropriately responsive to your baby--knowing when to say "yes" and when to say "no…" And I say no to babywearing, no to co-sleeping, and yes to some baby-training. "Attachment parenting" is a fancy term for "you can't win" or "you'll never be a good enough parent." Mostly, I look forward to all of my non-giving times when it's just me, so I'm refreshed for those never-ending giving times.
I'm not on the attachment parenting side of the ledger as LOD puts it. I'm mostly a bit in awe of how someone could consciously choose it and make it work. But if you fall into it and it actually works for you, congratulations! And if you're not self-righteous about it, even better (and for clarification I don't think that LOD is, but I have met other people who seem to look down their noses at parents who aren't doing attachment parenting - as is true about probably everything; there's always someone looking down his/her nose at something)
I slept, holding my daughter, (yes, not the safest perhaps) for the first two weeks of her life because I was petrified to let her go. Then she slept in a little bed thing on the bed between me and and my husband for the next two. Finally, she moved into one of those bassinets that attaches to the side of the bed. But by four months, I recognized that my daughter had inherited my husband's light sleeper gene. And every time I rolled over or coughed, she objected. I got horrible sleep, making me a worse parent in the morning. So, we ferberized her for three torturous days, during which I cried outside her door, rolled in a ball on the floor. And then she slept.
Dr. Sears' seven tools aren't for everyone. My parents didn't do attachment parenting with me thirty years ago; I still felt loved. I'm with MIC on appreciating the non-giving times to be refreshed for the never-ending giving times. And I'm o.k. because I know my daughter knows she's loved and that she loves me (Cue the "Aaaawwww) ;^)
Posted by: Barbara | Nov 21, 2005 8:59:52 PM