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Wednesday, November 23, 2005

I don’t understand. Why can’t you “win” as an attachment parent? Because it takes so much work? Parenting is effort, period, whether your wear your child as a fashion accessory or you endure a gut-wrenching week of Ferberization. But you can’t sit back and impugn attachment parenting just because it makes you feel like you’re not “good enough.”

It’s easy for me to make a case for attachment parenting, since I’m out of the house nine hours every weekday. But my wife, who usually looks like she’s run two marathons when I get home, feels the same way. We like most of Dr. Sears’s methods not because of all the new-age hooey, but because the opposite doesn’t make sense to us. We’ve also seen that most of his attributes of connected children have held true in many of the kids we know.

Attachment parenting is thankfully a choice. If you characterize your kids as “takers,” “leechers,” and “naggers,” for example, and you “look forward” to your time away from them, the odds of embracing the attachment method are pretty slim.

Permalink | Attachment Parenting | Comments (2)

Comments

Have to say I agree here. Took us a long time to come up with a parenting style that worked for us. We're middle of the road people. We co sleep, but only until about 9 months of age when most of the night nursing stops and a flopping almost 1 year old keeps us both awake. I prefer the sling to an infant carrier, but I also us the stroller when out and about. I tried CIO with the oldest, and it broke my heart, I just couldn't let him cry knowing he felt he needed me, and not meet that emotional need. However, I also don't rush in at the first hint of a whimper. We believe in rules and boundries. I don't know if it's an AP style of parenting, or exactly what, but many of the AP parents I meet allow their children to "rule the roost." Children should not be given that kind of control and power. Developmentally, they can't handle it. Children do not possess impulse control. They tend to have difficulty regulating their behaviors. Parents who impose no limits, have no rules, and have never taught the concept of acceptable behavior are not doing good things for their children, in my opinion. Children need to learn natural consequences to their actions, and it's a parents job to be the teacher.

Posted by: Amanda | Nov 23, 2005 1:55:03 PM

I agree with both you and Amanda. I did the CIO method for period with my son, who is now three, and I regret it. I did it because of pressure and insecurity within me as a parent. As I grew into myself and overcame some mental hurtles I had, I realized I did not agree. I gravitate more towards the AP parenting style but I, like Amanda, do not follow it 100%. As I studied different styles of parenting I appreciated the AP value of being in tune to and close to ones child. It is much harder to work through the behaviors, hold them longer (instead of just leaving and letting them cry), and having quality family time instead of the t.v. babysitter-- but it is so worth it. My son is an extremely strong willed little boy but he knows he's loved and loves to love. His compassion is overwhelming. Some of this quality is how he was created but some of it is due to how we love on him and demonstrate love in our home.

Love the blog... cheers!

Posted by: Kdubs | Nov 25, 2005 6:49:33 PM

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